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Faerin

Another Halloween without her (I think)

When your daughter’s sacred holiday was always Halloween (never Christmas), then she dies, does she still celebrate it with you?

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Faerin Suicide

I didn’t know

This is not intended for anyone who can’t be compassionate toward a mother grieving her daughter’s suicide.

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Faerin Korea

Mission Mozart magic

When last we saw our heroes they were planning to head to Korea

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Faerin Korea

Grief takes you funny places

I am a Midwestern mom who speaks nothing but English and holds a virgin passport. So why am I going to Seoul, Korea to watch a French musical next month?

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Faerin

What is lost?

I started seeing a counselor in February when I saw B in her car again and realized where this was headed and how powerless I was to stop it. That counselor was like a love-struck junior cheerleader who did little but encourage me to talk and cheer me on. Her utter uselessness was recognized by…

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Faerin Healingwise

goddess

My 23-year-old independent, talented and beautiful daughter was the goddess to me. From the moment she was born with the female bits instead of the other ones, every movement, every breath, every bellow of frustration seems to come from the center of perfect femininity. My darling Faerin.

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Faerin Healingwise Suicide

Idiot

Idiot. It’s a term of endearment, really. Fae was very proud of her status as a professional idiot, it meant the world to her, and to me. Going back to B after the incident in January made her an idiot too. Thinking for even one fleeting second about ending her beautiful life makes her an…

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Faerin Suicide

What happened?

You may or may not know that when a human hears of another human’s death, a very common response is to ask, “What happened?” I asked the police officer in my living room after I caught my breath. I didn’t break down, I didn’t gasp or shriek or faint or any of those things. I…

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Bad poetry Faerin Suicide

First entry

The first thing I put in my journal after Faerin died. When they come To tell you she’s gone They don’t take no for an answer They come into your house They don’t use euphemisms They don’t sit down They watch you fall apart and apologize for destroying your world They wait and wait and…

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Faerin Healingwise Suicide

Irony is a bitch

It’s hard for me to read my previous post here. I really want to delete it, forget it before anyone sees how naive I was, how immature. On May 19, 2015, my 23-year-old daughter, Faerin Sinéad Cassidy, died. While her abusive boyfriend was on the scene and the only witness, the police are likely to…