I started seeing a counselor in February when I saw B in her car again and realized where this was headed and how powerless I was to stop it. That counselor was like a love-struck junior cheerleader who did little but encourage me to talk and cheer me on. Her utter uselessness was recognized by […]
Adapted from a work by Tyler Knott Gregson ~*~ Darling mine, I see you walk past the mirror, unwilling to look at yourself. I hear the poisonous lies you tell yourself about yourself.
My 23-year-old independent, talented and beautiful daughter was the goddess to me. From the moment she was born with the female bits instead of the other ones, every movement, every breath, every bellow of frustration seems to come from the center of perfect femininity. My darling Faerin.
Idiot. It’s a term of endearment, really. Fae was very proud of her status as a professional idiot, it meant the world to her, and to me. Going back to B after the incident in January made her an idiot too. Thinking for even one fleeting second about ending her beautiful life makes her an
You may or may not know that when a human hears of another human’s death, a very common response is to ask, “What happened?” I asked the police officer in my living room after I caught my breath. I didn’t break down, I didn’t gasp or shriek or faint or any of those things. I
I like muffins. I like selecting the recipes, adding ingredients, observing the alchemy that turns flour and fruit into cakes. They’re fun. I’m kind of over them though. I know that my GoFundMe still sells the idea that I will spread muffins around the globe but I no longer see a lot of muffins in
Painting. I’ve been focused (to one degree or another) on painting for about a year and a half now. Faerin and I were going to provide all the labor ourselves, but we only completed the front of the house before winter set in and we had planned to restart the project in June. By June
Meditation of service or spell of protection? Read More »
The first thing I put in my journal after Faerin died. When they come To tell you she’s gone They don’t take no for an answer They come into your house They don’t use euphemisms They don’t sit down They watch you fall apart and apologize for destroying your world They wait and wait and
This blog has been here a while now, looking for a reason to exist. I think I’ll use it for my new life. What if I am the wise peacock? I am reasonably wise and I am on a journey to share my inner beauty with the world, what if that counts? I imagine it
Trying something new Read More »
It’s hard for me to read my previous post here. I really want to delete it, forget it before anyone sees how naive I was, how immature. On May 19, 2015, my 23-year-old daughter, Faerin Sinéad Cassidy, died. While her abusive boyfriend was on the scene and the only witness, the police are likely to